~Barren~
(Feb. 23, 1988 - May 10, 1999)


Upon this day I reminisce
   With sadness and regret
The loss of my beloved
    Special "child" who was my pet.

It's been a year of longing
   Wishing you'd return to me ...
For though you left one year ago,
   I cannot "set you free".

Though time has made it easier,
   To go from day to day ...
No one can understand the
   "Special" role your life did play.

For every day you were a part,
   Of love and joy and life ...
You had a way that focussed me
   And lessoned daily strife.

I'd hurry home to see your face,
   Behind that window pane;
Where wiggles, hugs and cuddles
   Brightened up the worst of days.

And now I sit, with eyes tear filled,
   You are not by my side;
And when I see the window,
   It is bare and bleak inside.

Emotions, they are raw today,
   I'm simply torn apart ...
For hollow, wrenching feelings
   Tear apart this very heart.

An emptiness, that's deeper than
   The oceans ... fill my soul;
A painful hunger bites my
   Inner self beyond control.

For though time healed the daily wounds
   I wore upon my sleeve,
I shelter from the world outside
   Just what you meant to me.

No children was I blessed to have,
   My womb was barren ... yet,
You filled the void my darling one,
   My sweet and lovely pet.

To me, you were more human
   Than some others I have known ...
You gave such love and tenderness;
   T'was deep within your soul.

Now spring is here, and little things
   We loved now cause me harm ...
The walks we'd take around the yard
   No longer hold their charm.

We're packing just to get away,
   And leave this home we've lived ...
For without you to share this with,
   I get no joy from it.

I see you as I turn each step,
   I watch for you each day ...
Oh little one, I miss you so,
   ... Much more than words can say.

       In fond remembrance 
             of Misty 
   Feb. 23, 1988 - May 10, 1999

©Kit McCallum, 2000    

 

Misty

(Feb. 23, 1988 – May 10, 1999)

 
How sad it was that until now,
   I could not write a line …
To help me through this hardship, and
   To ease this awful pain.

The sorrow and  the emptiness,
   The raw and biting fear,
Would overwhelm and blur out
   Every line I’d write, with tears.

You were my loved companion for 
   So many happy years,
That I could not imagine how
   I’d live without you here.

Our mornings had become routine,
   We settled … over time;
With evenings full of patterns that
   Are blueprints in my mind.

Beside me, by my bed at night,
   We’d slumber, each in place;
And in the morning without fail,
   I’d wake to your sweet face.

We’d lumber down with sleepy eyes
   I’d let you out to play,
While making tea and coffee …
   Get your breakfast underway.

We’d cuddle and we’d hug
   And if I had to go to “work”,
You’d wait for me so patiently
   For then, when I’d return ….

I’d beep the horn to say “I’m home” …
   And as I reached the door,
I’d see you through your window,
   And my heart would always soar.

The moment that I’d step inside,
   Such greetings we would have;
For whether only minutes, or
   If hours … you’d be glad.

You’d wag and wiggle, sing and hug,
   You’d “circle” till you dropped,
Onto the floor where then we’d cuddle,
   While you howled and talked.

Our days and nights consisted of
   Our little family;
For to you, I was “mommy”,
   And with “daddy”, that made three.

We’d play with all the toys you loved,
   Your frisbee and your ball,
Your tug ring and your rope toy,
   And the tire in the yard.

You had such clear expression,
   And our hearts would fill with pride,
As little children visited,
   And learned your gentle side.

And even in our quiet times,
   Relaxing in the den,
My eyes would always seek you out,
   And lock on yours … and then,

You’d give a little sigh and wag,
   And promptly jump right up,
To come to my familiar arms,
   And cuddle like a pup.

The years passed by too quickly,
   Though I know that time can’t dim,
The memories that I have with you
   Will always stay within.

You were a part of every day
   I woke, from dawn to dusk;
You were my “child” I knew was there
   Through good times and through rough.

And when we said goodbye to you,
   And held you in our arms,
You fell to sleep one final time,
   And moved into God’s arms.

I like to think that now you have
   Been freed from all that pain;
And now you’re roaming up above
   To live life all again.

You had a lot of loved ones,
   Who have passed ahead of you;
And somehow I am comforted
   To know they’re there for you.

I’m sure that when you saw them there,
   To welcome you along,
You wiggled, wagged and talked to them
   For there, you now belong.

So though you may have freedom and
   Your heart is light and free;
I’m still down here, my little one,
   Just struggling daily.

And maybe it was you, who watched
   And whispered to me then …
You know your “mommy” cannot cope,
   Without a furry friend.

Instead of crying evermore
   Each time I see your toy;
Or walk around where your bowl sat,
   Or listen for your sighs.

You knew I couldn’t handle yet
   Another lonely night;
Where every move is habit
   And I search for you each night.

So thank you my dear little one,
   For helping me again;
For giving just a little nudge
   To help me ease the pain.

I felt you there beside me
   As we searched for a new pup;
While gently pushing me along
   Until we found the spot.

And just as “you” had been the one
   To pick your “dad and mom”;
I think you must have been nudging
   Our “newest” little one.

For as I moved toward this little
   Furball, and he turned …
There was no question in his eyes
   Nor in my heart either.

It happened just as surely as
   I’d seen you standing there …
Perhaps you’d whispered “don’t miss them”
   They’re special and they care.

So on this day, I will bring home,
   Our newest furry “love”;
And in this, I take comfort that,
   You’ll watch us from above.

Rest in Peace Misty …
You will never be forgotten.



©Kit McCallum,1999
 

Perhaps.....


Perhaps there was a reason,
   Or perhaps there was a plan,
Perhaps there was a greater scheme
   That came from God, not man.

You joined us at a time when
   I could not imagine life;
Without the warmth and special love
   A puppy brings to light.

Perhaps I should have waited, or
   Perhaps have had more time,
To let my sorrow and my grief
   Run freely without rhyme.

But I was too impatient,
   And I yearned to find a love,
That would replace the special bond
   I’d lost to God above.

You joined us then, and suddenly
   I had a reason new;
No longer would I focus on
   The love that I once knew.

But somehow, our beginning
   Was a struggle from the start;
And strangely, you remained detached
   … I could not touch your heart.

Perhaps it was a part of me
   Perhaps a part of you;
But somehow we could not connect
   … And you remained aloof.

I’m grateful for the time we had,
   For two months I did try;
And focussed on you daily
   Though we wondered always … why?

You were not satisfied with me,
   Perhaps that was the plan;
You helped to get me past a very
   Difficult time span.

You let me know that you deserved
   A family who would share
With “you”, and not a memory
   Of the ghost that had been there.

So finally, I had to face
   The truth that we both knew;
And now you’ll have a new family
   That loves you just for you.

I’m back to such an empty house,
   Though somehow it is right;
For now I’m back to mourning,
   But I’ll do so … without fight.

I needed time to heal the pain;
   And though it’s still quite raw,
I’ve learned that I need time to
   Come to terms with what I lost.

I can’t “replace” a perfect pet,
   I simply needed time,
To grieve the way I should have done
   Before I lost my mind.

©Kit McCallum,1999

Understanding


As I grow to understand myself 
   And the life that surrounds me, 
I have come to realize many
   Valuable lessons along the way. 
Although a life may end; 
   Invariably, a new life will begin; 
A vulnerable new addition to 
   This unpredictable world. 

Just as the old life has departed with 
   Its wisdom and knowledge of the world today; 
... A new life has begun; 
   Soon to face the challenges and demands of their new surroundings. 

We cannot dwell on the departed; 
   Nor can we forget what they have taught us, 
For we are still here, however painful, 
   Living in the present.

We have both things to learn, 
   And things to pass on; 
      For that is the cycle of man. 

However hard it is to accept that 
   One has passed on; 
Remember that you are still here, 
   And therefore a purpose in God's plan. 

For life renews itself, and we must teach 
   The new generation of life, the mistakes and triumphs of our forefathers 
So that when we pass on ourselves, 
   The next generation may benefit from our lives.

©Kit McCallum,1999
 

When Is It Time?

 
When is it time to say goodbye,
   To all the love I’ve known,
When is it time to end your pain,
   And leave me all alone?

I’ve watched you on your good days when
   I feel your strength renewed;
But shortly after little “ups”,
   The “down” days then ensue.

We ride this roller-coaster of
   Emotions as we try,
To make it through another day,
   And yet, I can’t deny …

That as I look into your face
   On days that have been bad,
I see a look that beckons me
   It’s tired, and hurt, and sad.

The little spark I used to see
   Behind those loving eyes
Is growing ever clouded
   By life’s cruel inhumane side.

I try to see beyond the pain
  You feel with every step;
And softly whisper to myself
  This “may” get better yet.

If  I can bear to watch you
   Just another day or two;
I justify my reasons to
  Ensure I cling to you.

For letting go is harder for
   The person left behind;
It means that if I let you go,
   I cannot turn back time.

Back to the days I long for now,
   When you were full of life;
And every day held promise,
   And our futures, clear and bright.

But now the lights are darkening ...
   We take it daily now;
I cannot see our futures clear
   Or think beyond this cloud.

I think the hardest part in this
   Is never knowing why,
I have to be courageous
  And I have to say goodbye.

For if I let myself admit
   It’s time to let you go;
I’d have to face reality
   Without you … but I know …

That soon I have to face the
  Final outcome that I dread,
And holding on will only serve
  To hurt you in the end.

You’ve given such unselfish love
   For all our time in life,
But if I hold too tightly,
  You’ll not move t’ward the light ...

On to a better life, where you
   Can once again be free
Of all the pain and discomfort
   That holds you here to me.

So if I find the courage just to say
  This last farewell,
I hope you will forgive me for
  The time it took me;  still …

I’ll hold with me, the memories
   That in my heart remain,
And one day, down the road a’ways
   … They’ll lessen my “own” pain.

©Kit McCallum,1999